Another Birth Story!

It's hard to believe my 3rd daughter is now a month old!  Life with 3 certainly is challenging, and I believe this is the longest I've gone before writing a birth story so far.

There were so many factors that went into this birth, and I don't have the space to go into them at this time, although I want to write a follow up post comparing the births of my 3 daughters and how I believe nutrition played a key role in main differences between them.  But I do need to give a brief overview of where I was at this time.

For starters, my diet was drastically improved from either time before, yet I gained hardly any weight.  This concerned me greatly, as I really wanted to birth a bigger baby this time after my other two were born so small.  Second, I manged to drink a half pound of red raspberry tea in less than 3 months in preparation for labor, so that was even better than I did the time before.  And #3, because the majority of my pregnancy took place over the winter, I didn't get out much, and was horribly out of shape.

My due date was June 24th, and I *really* wanted to make to full term this time because of what had happened last time.  My parents were due to arrive on the 20th, and my mom was also really hoping to be present this time.  However, the little miss had other plans.

On Monday the 16th of June, I was all out of sorts.  My emotional state was in constant flux, and I couldn't relax.  I didn't do much until afternoon and evening when I felt a rush to get loaf of bread made, and roast a chicken.  I am so thankful I have a double oven!

Not long after dinner I noticed that I seemed be getting more Braxston-Hicks than normal.  Finally I told Zack that perhaps we should start tracking them.  At which time we discovered they were consistently 10 minutes apart.  After we got the girls in bed I put all the leftover chicken pieces in the crock pot.  I also remarked that I was going to ask the midwife when I went in the next morning to check me because I really wanted to see if all these BH's were actually doing something, especially since they were getting more uncomfortable.  I also decided that since I hadn't gotten around to it before, now was an excellent time to pack my hospital bag.  :-P  We didn't end up going to bed until after 11.

At 4am I woke up needing to use the bathroom.  After I got back in bed I tried to track my contractions a bit more and see if they were any closer together, but I was so tired I couldn't keep a good eye on the clock.  But it wasn't long before I thought I felt wet, and upon checking myself, I realized that I was *very* wet.  So I got back up went into the bathroom, and even more fluid came out.  At this time Zack woke up and got up to check something outside, (I still have no idea what it was!)  When he came back I turned the light on and informed him that my water had broke.

I put on a maxi pad so I could get up, then called the on call midwife.  Turned out it was Debra, the very same midwife who had delivered both my other daughters!  After that Zack called his mom to see how quickly she'd be able to get out here.  We were both hoping that she would arrive before we had to leave for the hospital so we wouldn't have to wake up the toddlers.  Zack put a note on the door to remind him to turn off the crock pot when we left, and we went back to bed.

Unfortunately, the contractions where getting more intense, so sleep for me was out of the question.  Just as Zack was drifting off, I had a strong one, and woke him back up.  He put pressure on my back which helped a bunch.  When it was over he decided to see if he could take a quick shower before we had to leave.  But, just before he was about to get in, another very strong contraction came on and he decided that perhaps in would be better to get to the hospital instead.

Once we got there I got examined and learned that I was already 6-7cm!  Grandma arrived and took the girls out.  We had arrived just before the shift change, 3 babies had been born that night, so the nurses were pretty tired.  It took 2 different nurses to get my IV line in, probably because they were so tired.  Turned out my delivery nurse was going to be Nina, the very same nurse I had with baby #2!!  So I ended up with the exact same team I had before.

I was getting these crazy long contractions, 3 to 4 minutes each!  So I found that I was most comfortable sitting cross legged and leaning forward during them.  Zack would stand next to me with one hand putting pressure on my back and the other in front of me to hold on to.  I think we've gotten this teamwork thing worked out this time!  Because my contractions were so long, my body had more time in between to rest, so this labor felt way more relaxed.  As things were getting more intense Nina asked if she should check me again, but Debra very kindly replied that there was no need.

Finally it came time to push.  I knew I didn't want my feet in the stirrups this time, but I couldn't find a good position until Debra suggested I try laying on my side, and Nina held my upper leg while I grabbed the lower one.  Because I was more to the side of the bed, I kept hitting the recline button with my head, if I wasn't in the midst of pushing I probably would have laughed. 

Oh, and the things you quickly forget.  I had forgotten about the intense burning you feel at the very end, and Debra had to coach me through it again.  I also had to be more proactive about the pushing this time, my body didn't take over like it had before, so I had to push myself.  A one point I even pounded the bed with my fist.  I'm so glad now that Zack insisted that the girls not be present during labor.  Definitely would not have been good for them to see Mommy lose control.

Finally the sweet miss was born!  It was just after 8am.  This time Debra put her right on my tummy, and waited for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping it.  Just like the previous two, Baby was a little blue, but instead of taking her away, Nina rubbed her down real hard, and gave her some oxygen right there on the bed.  Nina also got to see something she'd never seen before, what they call the sun rising.  Where the color starts to rise on the baby and take over her whole body.  Zack watched it, but at my angle, I couldn't quite see it.  Apparently, it's pretty amazing to see. :-)

 

After, her cord was cut, I was able to continue to keep her skin to skin as long as I wanted.  I tired to have her do the breast crawl, but she wasn't able to quite latch herself on, so I finally helped her a little, and we had our first successful breastfeed.  They didn't weigh her for at least an hour, and I can't tell you how excited I was to hear she was 6lbs. 9.4oz.  My biggest baby yet!

An interesting note.  This was my first time to be able to keep my baby skin to skin to immediatly after birth, exept for when she got her first examination, but then she was brought right back to me.  After everyone left and Zack feel asleep on the couch, I held my baby right next to me and was able to sleep too.  Nina came back around 11, and after checking my fundus she felt my bladder and told me that it was very full and urged me to get up to use the bathroom.  While I was up she put my baby in the warmer.  After I got back I decided to leave her there and try sleeping on my side.  However, not only could I not fall back to sleep, I couldn't relax either!  My heart rate went up, and I just laid there wide awake until I finally got up and retrieved my baby.  Skin to skin really does have an amazing affect on both mommy and baby.

After we moved to one of the regular family center rooms, Zack's mom brought the girls in to meet their baby sister.  They are the sweetest big sisters ever!  Maybe a little too loving at times, but they truly love their new sibling.

I most grateful for an unassisted childbirth, with not needing any pain blocking meds, or having to be induced.  Maybe next time a homebirth? ;-)

I can't believe my smallest Hobbit is already 1 month old.  She is so precious, another wonderful gift from God, and we couldn't be happier!  Thanks for reading!

Things That Keep Me Going

Things that remind to not give up on this whole mommy-hood thing on the really rough days: 

When my toddler runs up to me repeatedly and throws her arms around my legs, with a big smile on her face.

Being called "Mama" for the first time.

Looking into my infant's eyes and hearing her "ooo" at me.

And seeing those precious first smiles that she is starting to give out more and more.

Delivering my Second Child, Part 2

To read part 1 click here.

My husband, Zack, dropped me off at the hospital at 3:30pm on Monday the 4th and left for a video job.  The job started at 4, and was supposed to be done at midnight.  We were really hoping that I would not go into active labor before he got back.

The on-call midwife for Monday/Tuesday was Deborah, the very same midwife who delivered my first baby.  She came in shortly after Zack left and we discussed my options.  I told her how I had wanted my ideal labor to go if I didn't need to be induced, and she promised to make it as close as possible to that as long as there were no complications.  Next, we talked about which option of induction I would want.  Pitocin, or a pill called Cytotec.  The OB had had talked to week prior preferred Pitocin, but Deborah preferred Cytotec because she felt it would allow my body to labor more naturally.  And after all the horror stories I had read about Pitocin, I was than happy to take option B.

The first Cytotec pill was put in around 6, and I had to stay in bed for 30 minutes so the baby could be monitored.  After that I could get up and walk around, and pretty much do whatever I wanted.  Around 8ish I started having contractions fairly regularly, strong, but not too painful.  Zack's job got done early, and he made it back just after 9.  5 hours after I had been given the first pill, the contractions had just about stopped, so after checking to see how far dilated I had gotten, I was given a second pill.  I was given 3 pills total, but I'm having a hard time remembering when I got the last one.

Deborah came in to see me just before 6 the next morning.  After checking me again, and discovering that I was only 3 1/2 cm. dilated it was time to make a new decision.  Either I could be given Pitocin to get things going, or she could try and break my water.  I choose to have my water broken.  The very next contraction was super strong, I ordered my breakfast.  I wanted to be able to eat before I got into active labor, and wouldn't be allowed to anymore.  However, the contractions were coming faster and stronger everytime so I asked my husband to fix me a piece of bread with peanut butter, (when brought some from home so Zack would have something to snack on).  But I only ate half the slice before the contractions were coming so fast that I couldn't chew and swallow before the next one came!

If you haven't read my first birth story, then it might be time to say that I really don't handle labor pain very well, also that I never actually got the urge to push.

The contractions had become so intense and painful by now that I either needed to get in the jacuzzi right now or be given an epidural.  My nurse, Nina got the tub filled up as fast as she could and she and Zack helped me hobble over to it.  I started feeling like I really needed to go to the bathroom, like really bad, and since I didn't know what that internal urge to push felt like, I didn't know that that was what I was actually feeling.  After I got into the tub I had such a strong contraction that I really screamed loudly.  Both Nina and Deborah popped back in the tub room and asked if I needed to push.  After they explained it was supposed to feel like, I told that was what I was feeling so they wanted to get me out as quickly as possible and check me.  Words cannot explain how disappointed I was when Deborah said 5 cm.  Only 5 cm!!  It had only been an hour since my water had been broken.  The worst part was that no matter how strong the urge to push was, I was no allowed to push.  Being only halfway dilated, I could very easily tear my cervix if I pushed my baby out that soon.

Well, I can honestly saw I tried.  But it was so hard not to push!!  And it wasn't very long afterward when it became so strong that my body kind of took over and made me push.  The first time that happened everything was okay, but the second time I felt the familiar feeling of a baby's head coming through!  I remember screaming out "She's coming! She's coming!"  Zack says I also said, "No, No, No!"  But I don't remember saying that.  Well, it seemed like it Nina didn't really believe me, and it felt like it took her forever to walk over to my bed and lift up the sheet.  But when she did, she immediately exclaimed, "Oh my goodness!  Call the midwife!"  Told you so.  Fully three quarters on the baby's head was out.

I don't know if it's nurse policy, or just something that Nina always does, but she put her hand around my baby's head and found that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.  Deborah rushed in, and after being told what was happening she told mu not to push again until she had cut the cord.  After she had done that I pushed once more and out came my baby.  Deborah quickly put her on a towel and handed her to me.  I told her "hello," and held her for a few moments.  But she was terribly blue, so they wanted to get some oxygen in her as soon as possible.

As soon as the labor was over I felt so good!  And so very different for last time where I was a mental train wreck.  I even had the presence of mind to tell Zack to get my camera out!

Just a few minutes old.

Because she wasn't breathing very well the nurses took her to the nursery so the peds could look at her better.  The doctor told Zack that our baby was stunned, and that's why she wasn't breathing.  The doctor was just about to send her in for an x-ray when she snapped out of it.  Once everything was looking normal Zack brought her back to me.

While all that was going on, I was actually able to carry on a normal conversation with my midwife as she waited for my placenta to detach.  I was so relieved when she checked my cervix and found that it had not torn!  So basically, it had taken an hour to get dilate 2 cm. and only 30 minutes to dilate the last 5!!  If I had known that it was going to go so fast, then I probably would have been okay without wanting medication.  Here's hoping that any other labors I need to go through will go just as fast!

Finally back in mama's arms.

Oh, and as a side note, turns out that our baby was perfectly healthy, and my placenta looked great.  Deborah had told me beforehand that that was very likely to happen.  But we had to make the decision based on the information we had at the time, and definitely didn't want to run the risk on loosing our precious daughter.  So while I wish I could have gone full term, I am grateful for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby.

Mommy looks so much better this time!

Delivering my Second Child, Part 1

On June 5th 2012 a new little blessing entered into our lives. I've decided that I'd better write down her birth story before any more time passes and I forget too many details. ;-)

Before I can start on the birth story itself, I need to back up and give a little background information.  First off, this baby's due date was actually June 20th!  When I went in for my regular pre-natal check up in the beginning of May I found out that the 1 hour glucose test I had taken last time had come back elevated so I needed to take the 3 hour test.  This was quite a surprise considering that I hadn't gained very much weight this time and didn't have an problems relating to gestational diabetes.  So I took the 3 hour test and it too, came back elevated, though just barely.  And I got the unhappy diagnosis of gestational diabetes.  It still doesn't make any sense to me, especially since my baby wasn't growing super big.

Me at 37 weeks

Later, when I went in the day after making it to 37 weeks, we found out that I needed to have special ultrasounds done to keep track of the baby's weight and growth because of the diabetes.  Usually the midwives would do them twice a week at their office, but since we live so far away from them, the one I was seeing decided that I would only need to get it done once a week if I went to the hospital right then and had a more extensive ultrasound done.  Even though it was late in the day, she called over and was able to get me in before closing time.  After the ultrasound was done, I needed to head back to the midwife office to pick up my appointment card for the next 2 visits plus ultrasound times.  When I got there, the midwife wanted to talk to me.  So while Zack kept little miss Angel Cakes outside to play in the grass, I went in to talk to my midwife once again.

Turns out that the ultrasound showed my baby's abdomen being too small.  About 3 weeks too small.  Very strange considering that the ultrasound I had 3 weeks before showed everything to be perfectly normal.  The reason this could be a problem was that if it was true, then my placenta might not have been working properly.  This would cause all the nourishment that was getting through to go straight to her brain, not to the rest of her body.  The risk was that if the placenta wasn't working right, then it could decide to stop working altogether at any time, meaning we could lose the baby. The midwife had put a call into the OB they all worked under and was waiting to hear back from him.

Long story short, they decided to keep me in the hospital over night to monitor the baby, then give me a second ultrasound in the morning, Friday.  This ultrasound showed the same result as the last one.  Tummy 3 weeks too small.  So it was decided that the safest thing to would be to induce.  Since I was only just barely into my 37th week, and the ultrasound showed that the baby would be fine for up to 4 days, the OB felt it would better to wait until Monday night to begin that induction.  That way the baby would have that much more time for her lungs to mature.

All this was really hard to take in.  I really wanted to have as natural a labor as possible this time around, plus delivering early meant that things weren't quite ready at home for her arrival either.  My main prayer during this time was that the Lord would make me more flexible.

I was told that there were two different types of inducing methods that could be used, an IV drip, or a pill that would dilate my cervix.  The OB preferred the IV drip because if the baby didn't like it, they could turn it off right away, whereas with the pill, once it dissolved, there was no getting it back.

When I got home I asked on a forum that I'm on for some advice for preparing for an induction.  Amongst the replies I discovered the IV drip referred to Pitocin.  Reply after reply told horror stories of Pitocin, and how I would definitely want an epidural.  There where a few ladies who said it was possible to be given Pitocin and deliver without any pain medication, but since I don't have the greatest pain tolerance in the world, I really didn't think it would work for me.

So, Monday arrived, and I got ready to deliver my second daughter...  To read part 2, click here.

The Tragedy of the Teddy Bear Cake

We had the wonderful opportunity to celebrate a very important, and special birthday last week. Little Angel Cakes 1st! A few months ago I asked my mom if I could borrow her sitting teddy bear cake pan for the birthday party.  It hadn't been used for over 20 years, so naturally she was very happy that it could be used again.

Last Tuesday my parents arrived and after dinner I took the box of cake mix I'd been saving and we made the cake.  But apparently sometime in the last 20 years the amount of batter that a cake mix makes has been reduced.  So the poor bear came out with only half a foot; which fell off as soon as the pans were removed.

So the next morning mom came back up early and we used 2 box mixes.  One yellow, and one chocolate.  We didn't need to put all of both of them in, but mom wanted to be sure that the pan would be filled completely, and we figured that any extra would run out the top anyway leaving the inside filled. 

Well, it certainly ran out the top!  The problem was that too much ran out and that the cake wasn't getting cooked inside.  We left it in the oven for an extra 20 min (60 min total).

Here you can see that while the cake has feet, too much ran out around the support column.  I was in the shower at the time so my husband, Zack got the unlucky job of trying to determine if it was done, and removing the cake pan.

He got the front off easily, but the back piece wasn't going anywhere.  But then the real tragedy struck.  Scroll down to watch what happened next!  I'm so glad he had the camera ready!

Yep, that the poor teddy's head falling off!

It turned out that even though the toothpick tested it done at the top, deeper inside and especially around the support the batter was still completely raw!

It was now 10:30 in the morning, the time when my mom and sister-in-law, Heather, were originally to arrive to help me ice the cake.  My parents were staying at my in-laws so I called my mom up again and explained what had happened.  After talking it over with my mother-in-law they decided that the best thing to do at this point was to make one more batch of cake batter, this time from scratch, and bake it in one of my mother-in-laws cake pans.  After it was cooled they'd bring it to our house so Heather and I could decorate it.

My mom had, to my knowledge, never made a cake from scratch before, though she is very accomplished in all other ares of baking.  After getting the batter mixing (it had to beat for 7 minutes) she was rereading the recipe one more time and discovered that she had put 4 cups of cake flour in, instead of 3, and 1 1/2 cups of milk instead of 1 1/4!  But, God was at work, and the cake came out wonderfully and baked perfectly!

So while I didn't get to make the teddy bear cake, I was still able to decorate my little Angel's cake after all.  And it came out beautifully!  Thank you so much to my mom, Liz, mother-in-law, Chris, for making this cake possible.  And to Heather for helping me decorate it.

First Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day from our little Angle Cakes!
I hope you had a blessed and loved day with your loved one's. :-)

Growing up so fast!

Why do our children grow up so fast? How in only 9 short months could my little Angle Cakes go from just barely able to lift her head off the floor for a couple of seconds...
To holding on to her highchair to stand with one hand!
How I wish time could slow down, just for a little while at least.

Baby's 1st Autumn

Our little one has learned to sit up by herself by discovering the autumn leaves!

A Baby Dedication

On Wednesday, the 29th of June, Zack and I formally dedicated our little girl to the Lord and His service.
Even though the occasion was to dedicate Princess Zana, it was also our time to make a public commitment to raise her in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. We heard many verses read (by Zack's dad, who is a minister) about how much children are a blessing from the Lord, and how to be Godly parents. Then it was Zack's turn dedicate his daughter to God. What a lovely experience and time it was.
She is such a wonderful blessing to us! I thank God so much for loaning her to us for this time, I only hope we can do the best job we can. Parenthood is such an experience that nothing can prepare you for. I still wonder how I can possibly be a mother? And yet, there she is!
Zana was fussy when we began the ceremony, so I gave her to Zack, and she calmed down almost instantly. Daddy's touch. :-D
Asleep in Daddy's arms. So precious!
If you would like to read about the beautiful dress my mom made for the dedication, you can visit my other blog HERE.

Sunshine and Roses

Well, not really roses, but it sounded like a nice title for a really nice day. I wanted to write this post a few days ago, but life with fussy 6 and half week old means I rarely get to finish what I start on the same day. Including this blog post!

It was a such I nice day that I really wanted to get outside, plus my herbs desperately needed a spring pruning. So I asked Zack if he would put this little outside bed-thing on the porch for me, and I put Zana in it while I worked on the herbs.
It's a really neat thing as one side acts as a shade against the sun, and the other has a screen to keep the bugs out.
As you can see the poor sage and mint were not looking their best. Not only were they seriously overgrown, but also had gotten a light freeze on them a few times since they had been put back outside a month ago.
There, much better! Now they look ready for some healthy summer growth. I can't wait to harvest some sage again. I use quite a bit for my cooking, and actually had to buy some recently.
Guinivere also wanted to come out, but alas she's been an in-door cat since we moved here, and certain neighborhood cats have their territories all staked out. One such cat, we call him Bobtail, is the meanest one of the lot. He won a territorial fight against our neighbor's cat, and now she has to be careful in her own yard! Sorry Guiny, but you're better off staying in the house.
Beauty shoot. It felt so good to be outside again! I even got out the jogger and took Zana for a walk later in the afternoon. The rest of this week it's been super windy and I haven't been able to get out again.
Hopefully now that I'm getting used to being a mommy I'll be able to blog more often. Here's hoping!

How She Arrived

It seems that every first time mom who has a blog nowadays writes her birth story on it, so I thought I'd write mine too. :-) Also, we finally decided on an internet nick-name for Baby, "Princess Zana," or just plain Zana, so that's what I will be referring to her as from here on out.
Saturday morning, the 9th, I woke up with what I thought were Braxton-Hicks. Though they were different the all the one's I had previously felt, in that the pain wrapped around my back. This, one of my midwives had told me was a sign of real labor. My husband started timing the contractions, and we found that they were all over the place. I'd go from 3 in a row of 12 to 15 minutes apart, to the next being 30 minutes apart. This lasted all day.

In the evening we went up to visit my in-laws as Zack's grandparents were visiting, hoping the baby would be born while they were here. My mom had arrived the week before to be on hand as well. The contractions continued in their sporadic form the entire evening, Zack keeping track of every one. Because of they had lasted all day, we made plans for the trip to the hospital that we expected to be making the next day.

About 3 o'clock the morning of the 10th, the contractions woke me up with their intensity, especially in my lower back. My groaning also woke up Zack who started timing them again. This time, they were between 4 and 7 minutes apart. We decided it was time to call the midwife. Deborah was on call that night. And she told us it was time come to the hospital. Zack woke up my mom, then called his mom so they could get ready too. Funny things we do in times like this. When I was getting dressed I felt my finger nails and found that 2 of them were rough so I cut them and smoothed them out not wanting to scratch Baby.

Now it was time to leave. The only problem was that a spring snow storm had come in and left the road icy. So my poor husband, wanting to get me to the hospital as quickly as possible was forced to keep our truck in 4-wheel and drive slowly most of the way. He was really happy that it was 3:30am and didn’t need to worry about any extra traffic on top of that. Even though my contractions were stronger and closer together, they still didn't come with any regularity. It was the longest hour and a half trip to the city ever.

We finally arrived at the hospital and I was taken up to the family center, (they don't call it a maternity ward anymore). The nurse checked me and found that I was between 4 and 5 cm. dilated. So I was admitted, and we expected to be holding a new baby in the next few hours.

I tried taking a shower as the nurse said the warm water would feel really good on my back, but every time a contraction came I had to lean on the wall. After having labored the entire day before and not slept very well, my body was already extremely tired, and my arms didn't want to hold me up. So I didn't stay in the shower very long. I also found out at this time that I was having back labor.

Zack had started coaching a little while we were still at home, reminding me to breathe through each contraction. But now I was beginning to need him more and more. I must admit now that I was a bad girl and didn’t practice and of the breathing techniques we had learned at the labor class, so all I could do throughout the labor, with Zack’s help, was to remember to breathe, and not hold my breath during contractions.

The morning shift change came, and I got a new nurse, Carol. Without her, I don’t know what I would have done.

My midwife arrived to see how I was doing, and a little later another woman arrived to deliver her 6th child in the room next to mine. We could hear her baby's heart monitor for the longest time. My contractions continued in their irregularity, but would pick up their pace if I took a walk. I tried sitting on a birthing ball, but found it was too hard to balance when my back would tighten up and hurt like crazy.

Sometime in the morning I was out in the hallway walking with my mom, (Zack was exhausted and trying to nap) when the lady next door started pushing. Hearing her yell suddenly made me afraid. I was feeling really tired again and just wanted to lie down. After getting back to my room and laying down my mom and mom-in-law talked about how neat it was that the lady next door only had to push 4 times before her baby was born.

Now that Zack was refreshed a bit he was able take up his position again as my coach and help me breathe through my contractions. They were really getting painful now and I wasn't doing a very good job breathing through them. His constant presence was more soothing than anything else could have been.

I had gone into labor hoping to make it through without pain medication, but unsure if I would be able too. About mid, to late morning the pain reached an all time high and I couldn't stand it anymore. Both moms kept telling me that it was okay to ask for pain relief. So next time Carol came in to check on me I asked for some pain meds. She gave me a very low dose to start, and the next contraction felt so much better!

I was so tried that all I wanted to do was sleep. I should have been walking around more, and the Jacuzzi would have been really good for me as well, but all I wanted was rest between each irregular contraction. It wasn't long before I was asking for the other half of my pain medication, as it didn't stay in my system very long. But after that I had to wait much longer as it was making the baby sleepy.

I don't remember exactly when it was, but sometime late morning, my nurse checked inside me again and found that I was up to 7 cm. It had taken a long time to get there, and my contractions still weren't coming fast enough for being so far along, and my water still hadn't broken yet. So Deborah decided that it was time to break the water. What a strange feeling it was! Unfortunately, I was now stuck in bed for the most part since after the initial gush, there was a constant drain of fluid.

By early afternoon my contractions still weren't coming fast enough, in fact they hadn’t really picked up at all. So the midwife decided to give me some Oxytocin to help move things along. Zack really had to talk me through each of my contractions at this point. I was feeling beyond exhausted by now because everything was taking so long, and I needed his support more than ever.

I suppose I should pause right now to explain that I've always carried a ton of tension on my body, and have the hardest time relaxing. That is the main reason I believe why my labor lasted so long. I just wouldn’t let that poor baby descend through the birth canal.

Finally, Carol asked me if I felt like pushing. I didn’t. But she said it was time to start pushing anyway. I’ve read so many stories of women knowing they had to push, and wanting to push so bad. And they just seemed to know how to do it. I knew what it was supposed to feel like, but not having any kind of internal urge made pushing really hard. Being completely exhausted by this point didn’t make it any easier either. But push I must!

After trying to push while lying on my back for a while and not getting anywhere, Carol asked if I wanted to try getting on my knees and leaning against the back of the bed. I figured gravity might be helpful now, so I did. Zack came around to the head of the bed and each time a contraction begin and I was told to push, I would hang onto his arm for dear life. At this time I also discovered that I am capable of not only screaming, but screaming very loudly.

At some point during all of this I told Zack that I didn’t want any more, (children), and I heard Carol say, “She’s in labor now!” Zack told me later that when I said that, he was thinking that he didn’t know if he could put me through that again either. I’m sure by this point that all the pain relief meds had worn off, so I was going “natural.” The pain was more intense than anything I have ever felt in my life, and all I wanted to do was get away from it. Carol kept telling that I need to put all the energy of screaming into my pushing, to “scream out my butt.” I remember looking at Zack and seeing the anguish in his face. He told me that I seemed to look straight through him, as if I couldn’t see anything.

Carol decided that it was time to turn me back over, and she and Zack helped my legs in position. After several more pushes the baby finally began to crown and Carol asked if I wanted to feel her head. But I didn’t. I still don’t know exactly why, maybe it was taking all the concentration I had to continue to push, and I couldn’t take any kind of distraction; or maybe it was something else, I don’t know.

I don’t know when Deborah finally came in, but she was there when little Zana slipped out at last. But somebody put her on my stomach. Her cord was short, so they couldn’t put her up very high, and all I could really do was feel her, I couldn’t see much being able to only look under my glasses. The moment she was out Zack started crying more emotionally then I’ve ever seen. Somebody told me that the baby was a little blue so they needed to give her some oxygen. As soon as Zack had cut the cord they took her to the other end of the room to clean her up and give her the oxygen.

It was almost 12 hours after we had first arrived at the hospital, and nearly 33 hours after I had woken up the morning before feeling the first contractions. So much for hoping to have a short natural labor like my mom had with my brother and then with me.

Unfortunately, I had also torn pretty bad, a 3 out of 4, so Deborah needed to stitch me up. But first she gave the cord a little tug and pulled the placenta out. That at least was pain free. But the stitching wasn’t. I’ve always heard that a woman sort of forgets all her pain as soon as the baby is born, but because they had to take her away, and finish stitching me up before bringing her back, the pain came back full force. Because the tear was deep it needed to be stitched up in 3 layers. Each time Deborah would take a stitch I screamed again. Only this time when I screamed I would scream for my baby. “Where’s my baby!” “I want my baby!” I was crying so hard. Once Zack was able to stand up again, he came back and held my hand until it was over.

Carol finally brought Zana back to me all clean and wrapped up. I can’t remember if she helped me nurse her first, or if I just held her for a while. I was so physically and emotionally drained that I couldn’t feel much of anything, but apparently I was crying. All I could really do was hold onto her for dear life.

In closing, giving birth was not what I had expected it to be. Is it ever? All the child birthing books in the world can’t prepare you for it. Back labor is not something I ever want to go through again. I sincerely pray that the next baby will be much easier, but if it is back labor again, I want to have an epidural. That’s something I never thought I’d say before! My pain tolerance is a lot lower than I thought it was, and at this point I don’t know if I’d be able to give birth at home.

I love my daughter so much! She continually makes me cry when she looks into my eyes with those adorably beautiful eyes of hers, or when she makes facial expressions too cute for words. Thank you Lord so much for this precious gift, and thank you for carrying me through her birth!

Princess Zana's first Easter Sunday. 2 weeks old exactly.